I nurse an inexplicable interest in feelings. I do not fulling understand why I feel so drawn to that hunch, that feelings in your gut that something is right or something is wrong, but I am aware that I very much desire to follow such things when they are genuine and not borne of last night's bad potatoes.
And tonight, this Sunday the third of May, 2009, I have a very peculiar feelings indeed. Is it the end of the world, somehow? The beginning of it? I've had much cause to cry wolf about the world's end, and I almost always hold back, because I really don't think the world will end very soon- yet here is this feeling- not totally undeniable, but palpable, here, in my heart. My brother and Wife are asleep on the couch and in bed, I just watched a fascinating movie, and I am still up, experiencing this most peculiar sensation that, somehow- tonight is special.
I do not understand how, and I will not elaborate further upon this feeling nor on past ones, particularly considering the contents of this splotchy blog, but I did feel it necessary- tonight, someday, I will look back on it, and realize that something changed tonight. Something that puts us on the final stretch towards the end of 'the world' or, rather, the destruction of the wicked. I do hope I don't count in that last group, although it is difficult for me to be sure.
Tonight is special. I told my wife, I wrote it down- now you and I know. I think I will spend the next few weeks or months trying to figure out how this might be significant- what changed, what happened or began this night, that I should be experiencing this.
Not very scientific, I know, but I never really claimed to be a simple person, exactly.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Mormon missionary abduction?!!?
Oh. My. Gosh.
This is complete insanity- I was a Mormon missionary myself, and am now happily married and able to live out as many strange fantasies as both my wife and I feel are appropriate.
But this... as a Missionary... being stalked... I think I'm going to go and throw up and thank God that I didn't have anyone quite THAT obsessed following me around- although back in high school, my best friend did rescue me from a couple of... weird... situations.
I can imagine more than one scenario coming out as true in this, whatever it is, I'm certain someone should get to the bottom of it.
Because this is SERIOUSLY WEIRD.
This is complete insanity- I was a Mormon missionary myself, and am now happily married and able to live out as many strange fantasies as both my wife and I feel are appropriate.
But this... as a Missionary... being stalked... I think I'm going to go and throw up and thank God that I didn't have anyone quite THAT obsessed following me around- although back in high school, my best friend did rescue me from a couple of... weird... situations.
I can imagine more than one scenario coming out as true in this, whatever it is, I'm certain someone should get to the bottom of it.
Because this is SERIOUSLY WEIRD.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Who is this Man?
Okay, I love this:
"No regime should ignore the will of its own people and calls from the international community without consequences," Bush said in a statement.
-Comments from a Yahoo news article, directly from Bush, himself.
Now, before I go further, I need to out myself as a basic supporter of Bush. I think he was wrong to invade Iraq, but he has done a good job with it, in the end, and I think, God willing, History will look back on the invasion as a smart move rather than the horrendously stupid one it look like right now. No one will ever be able to remove the idea that it would then be a right move for wrong reasons, but history has a long trend of totally ignoring that sort of thing.
However, taken fully our of context, these words are like a self-accusation. Bush has been pushing a single digit approval rating, and I am given to understand that most people oppose the war in Iraq, although recent successes shine and make us a little less nervous about the situation in that area of the world. Despite that, Bush has pursued "Cowboy diplomacy" and Mugabe is effectively doing the same. I don't automatically blacklist any politician who utilizes cowboy diplomacy, but while Bush's were erroneous and possibly bad, Mugabe's are idiotic and vile.
Robert Mugabe may have once been a hero in his nation, but right now he is the worst sort of villain, and if I were in Zimbabwe, I would either flee or, despite my nearly pacifistic nature, feel full justification for rebellion. That is NOT how democracy works, Mr. Mugabe- you do NOT keep office after losing the election. The situation is reasonably complicated, but Mugabe is clearly in violation of the ideals of democracy and his government is clearly utilizing oppressive tactics in order to impose the violation. He is guilty of all Bush says.
But good gosh, WHO is that condemnation coming from?
I think Bush is doing the right thing, here. I think the sanctions and the message are excellent (although I hope it doesn't help Mugabe dig his heels in against foreign influence), but I stil lhave to wonder-
Is Bush's help or endorsement on anything like poison in the punch?
Hopefully, more on this later.
"No regime should ignore the will of its own people and calls from the international community without consequences," Bush said in a statement.
-Comments from a Yahoo news article, directly from Bush, himself.
Now, before I go further, I need to out myself as a basic supporter of Bush. I think he was wrong to invade Iraq, but he has done a good job with it, in the end, and I think, God willing, History will look back on the invasion as a smart move rather than the horrendously stupid one it look like right now. No one will ever be able to remove the idea that it would then be a right move for wrong reasons, but history has a long trend of totally ignoring that sort of thing.
However, taken fully our of context, these words are like a self-accusation. Bush has been pushing a single digit approval rating, and I am given to understand that most people oppose the war in Iraq, although recent successes shine and make us a little less nervous about the situation in that area of the world. Despite that, Bush has pursued "Cowboy diplomacy" and Mugabe is effectively doing the same. I don't automatically blacklist any politician who utilizes cowboy diplomacy, but while Bush's were erroneous and possibly bad, Mugabe's are idiotic and vile.
Robert Mugabe may have once been a hero in his nation, but right now he is the worst sort of villain, and if I were in Zimbabwe, I would either flee or, despite my nearly pacifistic nature, feel full justification for rebellion. That is NOT how democracy works, Mr. Mugabe- you do NOT keep office after losing the election. The situation is reasonably complicated, but Mugabe is clearly in violation of the ideals of democracy and his government is clearly utilizing oppressive tactics in order to impose the violation. He is guilty of all Bush says.
But good gosh, WHO is that condemnation coming from?
I think Bush is doing the right thing, here. I think the sanctions and the message are excellent (although I hope it doesn't help Mugabe dig his heels in against foreign influence), but I stil lhave to wonder-
Is Bush's help or endorsement on anything like poison in the punch?
Hopefully, more on this later.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Flipper- Mitt Romney?
Well, as it is now quite obvious from my posts that I am indeed a Mormon, most of my friends, (especially online) assume that I support Mitt Romney, the Mormon candidate. Quite false, in fact- I've been quite enamored with McCain, Huckabee, Obama, and even at times with Hillary and Edwards.
In other words, I'm still not sure where my normally republican vote will land.
However, there is at least one criticism of Mitt Romney I would like to help him combat- because I think that idiots throwing false criticism around is a travesty to the political system, most especially because such things are almost impossible to combat.
The dolphin, "Flipper," sporting his "Flip Romney" shirt has often been present at Romney campaign events, I'm told, and I would just love to level this criticism- Romney's own- against the cheeky dolphin: "You'll find that most people of some intelligence tend to learn over time."
Romney is the face of good manners as he says it, but a less kind response may be warranted:
"What the crap do you expect a reasonable person to do when they find out they're wrong?"
"Do YOU intend to continue catching fish even after you see the nets lower around you, you idiot dolphin? I intend not to be on the next sob-poster promoting dolphin-safe tuna!"
Because despite his record, in which he has changed on a number of issues (not as many as reported by the mass media), Romney seems to me to be a welcome change- a person of some intelligence.
I draw again upon comparison.
I read some years ago an article about one of those special chess matches between someone like Gary Kasparov and a supercomputer. The computer made a mistake- a bad move. The player made the comment afterward that the computer had a huge advantage in that right- it was perfectly willing to admit defeat, cut losses, move back to the original position, and get into a correct position- one that would lead it to victory. (I believe that the computer won this particular match-up.) If there is a reason that I vote for Mitt Romney, it will be for the same reason Flipper comes to his events. To castigate someone for being willing to, over the course of years, change his position on key issues when presented with new information on them is ludicrous. Here we are, all saying that America is on the wrong course, and then beating up on the man who is willing to change his stance on issues.
Isn't a change of course what we want? The Media and the Nation bewail Bush's unwillingness to change his stance on Iraq despite indicators that there wasn't the threat they thought there was- what they were really doing, I expect, is simply doing what America expects of its politicians: staying the line. They took a stance, and because their poll numbers and their credibility could not survive a 'flip' on that stance, they simply stayed with it. I would like to take this moment to remind the American public, which includes myself, that politicians do watch and listen to us, but we send them very, very mixed messages. We demand one course of action but vote for another. We as a public (myself included!) could use a serious course in Public Behavior to help us learn how to influence things that way we really want them.
So, in other words, I commend Mitt Romney for his willingness to vote for what he finds to be the truth, the right, rather than bow to the very syndrome we, as the Public, demand that he bows to: he can't move his chess piece back because he'll lose face. I may not vote for you, Governor Romney, but I commend you for being willing to take the hit when you find yourself in the wrong camp. I suggest the Flipper also practices learning to flip like Romney.
Maybe if we all learn it, our nation won't end up dead on the deck of a ship surrounded by tuna, with the subtitle: Never learned to to change when truth demanded it.
In other words, I'm still not sure where my normally republican vote will land.
However, there is at least one criticism of Mitt Romney I would like to help him combat- because I think that idiots throwing false criticism around is a travesty to the political system, most especially because such things are almost impossible to combat.
The dolphin, "Flipper," sporting his "Flip Romney" shirt has often been present at Romney campaign events, I'm told, and I would just love to level this criticism- Romney's own- against the cheeky dolphin: "You'll find that most people of some intelligence tend to learn over time."
Romney is the face of good manners as he says it, but a less kind response may be warranted:
"What the crap do you expect a reasonable person to do when they find out they're wrong?"
"Do YOU intend to continue catching fish even after you see the nets lower around you, you idiot dolphin? I intend not to be on the next sob-poster promoting dolphin-safe tuna!"
Because despite his record, in which he has changed on a number of issues (not as many as reported by the mass media), Romney seems to me to be a welcome change- a person of some intelligence.
I draw again upon comparison.
I read some years ago an article about one of those special chess matches between someone like Gary Kasparov and a supercomputer. The computer made a mistake- a bad move. The player made the comment afterward that the computer had a huge advantage in that right- it was perfectly willing to admit defeat, cut losses, move back to the original position, and get into a correct position- one that would lead it to victory. (I believe that the computer won this particular match-up.) If there is a reason that I vote for Mitt Romney, it will be for the same reason Flipper comes to his events. To castigate someone for being willing to, over the course of years, change his position on key issues when presented with new information on them is ludicrous. Here we are, all saying that America is on the wrong course, and then beating up on the man who is willing to change his stance on issues.
Isn't a change of course what we want? The Media and the Nation bewail Bush's unwillingness to change his stance on Iraq despite indicators that there wasn't the threat they thought there was- what they were really doing, I expect, is simply doing what America expects of its politicians: staying the line. They took a stance, and because their poll numbers and their credibility could not survive a 'flip' on that stance, they simply stayed with it. I would like to take this moment to remind the American public, which includes myself, that politicians do watch and listen to us, but we send them very, very mixed messages. We demand one course of action but vote for another. We as a public (myself included!) could use a serious course in Public Behavior to help us learn how to influence things that way we really want them.
So, in other words, I commend Mitt Romney for his willingness to vote for what he finds to be the truth, the right, rather than bow to the very syndrome we, as the Public, demand that he bows to: he can't move his chess piece back because he'll lose face. I may not vote for you, Governor Romney, but I commend you for being willing to take the hit when you find yourself in the wrong camp. I suggest the Flipper also practices learning to flip like Romney.
Maybe if we all learn it, our nation won't end up dead on the deck of a ship surrounded by tuna, with the subtitle: Never learned to to change when truth demanded it.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Jumping the Dragon's Gate
I read something today that deeply touched me, even while I'm still thinking about our beloved prophet's passing: carp that jump the dragon's gate.
It is a n ancient Chinese Myth that a carp (a less-than-desirable fish, as I understand it) who is willing to make the journey and 'jump over the dragon's gate' becomes a dragon. I remember when I was younger and still deeply involved in pokemon, there was one called Magikarp, the worst pokemon, who couldn't attack, only splash, but, if allowed to earn experience, would evolve into Gyarados, on of the most powerful pokemon in the game.
I find that very fitting and almost scary, especially now.
I've been struggling with thoughts about my own worth- I know, in an eternal sense, that I am a priceless son of an everlasting God, but in the short term, things are more difficult. God doesn't just hand us a living, much less our destiny, on a platter, we have to work for it, to give our all to earn it- and I feel like I'm flunking out royally. I can't focus. I am distracted easily, especially by the internet (what do you think I ought to be doing now? ;-) ) I don't seem to be able to consistently deliver in my classes, and I'm altogether a bit down and out. I realize a good psychiatrist might help with some of those, but I'm reluctant to go for money and personal reasons- I know I'd get medicated, and I'd like to avoid that.
I feel as if I need to jump the Dragon's Gate. I feel like a very little, powerless fellow who needs help in order to get where he needs to go, but I also feel that I need to swim by my own power now. I need to push myself beyond my limits and graduate to a new level of power. Jump the Dragon's Gate.
That's the moral of that story, that an individual who goes for broke and does all he or she can will reach great heights. Having always had an affinity for Eastern Dragons- especially Celestial ones, I'm even more susceptible to the myth. My brother brought me a statue of a Celestial Dragon, and I've always envisioned it as me. Methinks it's time to put aside my excuses and pursue that end.
"Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong"
1 Corinthians, Chapter 16, verse 13
In other words, Jump the Dragon's Gate.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The Passing of a Prophet
I have just been informed that Gordon Bitner Hinckley, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints, of which I am a member, has passed away.
I am deeply saddened but greatly consoled. I admire President Hinckley more than any other living man, except perhaps my own father. Even though a prophet to millions, even to the world, I always felt as if his counsel was directed straight from God to me. I listened and tried to follow each and everything that he said. Rather than trying to find exception to the doctrines he expounded on, I tried to find reason why I should also follow his counsel.
I did not do nearly as well as I might have at all of that, but I am so comforted that I tried. I know that any person who follows the counsel of President Hinckley and now of his (extremely likely) successor, Thomas S. Monson, will find greater joy, peace, freedom (yes, very much freedom), and even power in their lives. I know this because I live that counsel as best I can, and it works. Beyond that anecdotal evidence, I have almost 12 million other such cases, and the witness of God to my very soul. I know that those who follow the counsel of these people, who are prophets, will have life more abundantly- that, is, be happier and more free for longer.
I loved President Hinckley like a father, in a certain way. He was the Prophet of my youth, and he helped me through more than one difficult spot. I remember when he called all the youth of this church together for a huge teleconference. He prayed for us. I can't remember all the words, but I remember the occasion. I remember how I felt- deeply peaceful and pricked to the core. That was one of the times when I went through a lot of changes in my life, and I've felt the dividends of making those changes. They good, Let me tell you!
Having declared in all solemnity that I know the President Hinckley was a Prophet and that his successor will be one, and that their words are true and of God, I move on to a lighter note.
I feel a little odd having the address of my Blog be Magus of Darkness and testifying of God and Light, but I suppose it's from a habit I picked up a while ago- even though I love humorous pretentiousness, I hate sincere forms of it. I love to Roleplay at MUDs and such, but I decided I couldn't roleplay what I'm actually trying to be- a good and honest man. I know I'm really just a silly fellow, but I needed to do something to make it so I wouldn't set myself up as a light, rather than pay respect to the real light- God. I think that's part of why I love President Hinckley so much (love and not loved, yes, that's right- he's not really all that far away)- I don't think there was a pretentious bone in that man's body. He loved and learned and grew and led, but all without making me ever, ever feel , from anything he said, wrote, or did, that he looked down on all us wee little mormons at the bottom of the tree.
In the end, this Church will go on because it is true and God has set it up right, so that no one man will cause its fall, but president Hinckley, gone to join his dear sweet Marjorie, will be sorely missed among us. His humor, his wit, his intelligence, his wonderful tolerance, peace, and joy, ans especially the twinkle in his eye will be missing for a little while. But God will give the next prophet exactly the direction the Church needs for the coming times- there will certainly be trying times to come, but when your forebears already lived through frozen death, starvation, mob killings, tarring and feathering, all in the name of religion, like ours and so many other have, you feel okay to go through whatever life throws at you.
President Hinckley taught me that. Or rather, God taught me that, through his prophet- which means 'mouthpiece'- Gordon Bitner Hinckley.
God bless you, Brother Hinckley, and Rest now for awhile.
I can almost see the smile on your face at seeing Marjorie again. :-)
I am deeply saddened but greatly consoled. I admire President Hinckley more than any other living man, except perhaps my own father. Even though a prophet to millions, even to the world, I always felt as if his counsel was directed straight from God to me. I listened and tried to follow each and everything that he said. Rather than trying to find exception to the doctrines he expounded on, I tried to find reason why I should also follow his counsel.
I did not do nearly as well as I might have at all of that, but I am so comforted that I tried. I know that any person who follows the counsel of President Hinckley and now of his (extremely likely) successor, Thomas S. Monson, will find greater joy, peace, freedom (yes, very much freedom), and even power in their lives. I know this because I live that counsel as best I can, and it works. Beyond that anecdotal evidence, I have almost 12 million other such cases, and the witness of God to my very soul. I know that those who follow the counsel of these people, who are prophets, will have life more abundantly- that, is, be happier and more free for longer.
I loved President Hinckley like a father, in a certain way. He was the Prophet of my youth, and he helped me through more than one difficult spot. I remember when he called all the youth of this church together for a huge teleconference. He prayed for us. I can't remember all the words, but I remember the occasion. I remember how I felt- deeply peaceful and pricked to the core. That was one of the times when I went through a lot of changes in my life, and I've felt the dividends of making those changes. They good, Let me tell you!
Having declared in all solemnity that I know the President Hinckley was a Prophet and that his successor will be one, and that their words are true and of God, I move on to a lighter note.
I feel a little odd having the address of my Blog be Magus of Darkness and testifying of God and Light, but I suppose it's from a habit I picked up a while ago- even though I love humorous pretentiousness, I hate sincere forms of it. I love to Roleplay at MUDs and such, but I decided I couldn't roleplay what I'm actually trying to be- a good and honest man. I know I'm really just a silly fellow, but I needed to do something to make it so I wouldn't set myself up as a light, rather than pay respect to the real light- God. I think that's part of why I love President Hinckley so much (love and not loved, yes, that's right- he's not really all that far away)- I don't think there was a pretentious bone in that man's body. He loved and learned and grew and led, but all without making me ever, ever feel , from anything he said, wrote, or did, that he looked down on all us wee little mormons at the bottom of the tree.
In the end, this Church will go on because it is true and God has set it up right, so that no one man will cause its fall, but president Hinckley, gone to join his dear sweet Marjorie, will be sorely missed among us. His humor, his wit, his intelligence, his wonderful tolerance, peace, and joy, ans especially the twinkle in his eye will be missing for a little while. But God will give the next prophet exactly the direction the Church needs for the coming times- there will certainly be trying times to come, but when your forebears already lived through frozen death, starvation, mob killings, tarring and feathering, all in the name of religion, like ours and so many other have, you feel okay to go through whatever life throws at you.
President Hinckley taught me that. Or rather, God taught me that, through his prophet- which means 'mouthpiece'- Gordon Bitner Hinckley.
God bless you, Brother Hinckley, and Rest now for awhile.
I can almost see the smile on your face at seeing Marjorie again. :-)
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