The World and My Home

Something peculiar

2009-05-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

I nurse an inexplicable interest in feelings. I do not fulling understand why I feel so drawn to that hunch, that feelings in your gut that something is right or something is wrong, but I am aware that I very much desire to follow such things when they are genuine and not borne of last night's bad potatoes.

And tonight, this Sunday the third of May, 2009, I have a very peculiar feelings indeed. Is it the end of the world, somehow? The beginning of it? I've had much cause to cry wolf about the world's end, and I almost always hold back, because I really don't think the world will end very soon- yet here is this feeling- not totally undeniable, but palpable, here, in my heart. My brother and Wife are asleep on the couch and in bed, I just watched a fascinating movie, and I am still up, experiencing this most peculiar sensation that, somehow- tonight is special.

I do not understand how, and I will not elaborate further upon this feeling nor on past ones, particularly considering the contents of this splotchy blog, but I did feel it necessary- tonight, someday, I will look back on it, and realize that something changed tonight. Something that puts us on the final stretch towards the end of 'the world' or, rather, the destruction of the wicked. I do hope I don't count in that last group, although it is difficult for me to be sure.

Tonight is special. I told my wife, I wrote it down- now you and I know. I think I will spend the next few weeks or months trying to figure out how this might be significant- what changed, what happened or began this night, that I should be experiencing this.

Not very scientific, I know, but I never really claimed to be a simple person, exactly.

Mormon missionary abduction?!!?

2008-08-09T14:58:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. Gosh.

This is complete insanity- I was a Mormon missionary myself, and am now happily married and able to live out as many strange fantasies as both my wife and I feel are appropriate.

But this... as a Missionary... being stalked... I think I'm going to go and throw up and thank God that I didn't have anyone quite THAT obsessed following me around- although back in high school, my best friend did rescue me from a couple of... weird... situations.

I can imagine more than one scenario coming out as true in this, whatever it is, I'm certain someone should get to the bottom of it.

Because this is SERIOUSLY WEIRD.

Now I know...

2008-08-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

Now I know why money is so addictive.

Who is this Man?

2008-07-25T12:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, I love this:

"No regime should ignore the will of its own people and calls from the international community without consequences," Bush said in a statement.

-Comments from a Yahoo news article, directly from Bush, himself.

Now, before I go further, I need to out myself as a basic supporter of Bush. I think he was wrong to invade Iraq, but he has done a good job with it, in the end, and I think, God willing, History will look back on the invasion as a smart move rather than the horrendously stupid one it look like right now. No one will ever be able to remove the idea that it would then be a right move for wrong reasons, but history has a long trend of totally ignoring that sort of thing.

However, taken fully our of context, these words are like a self-accusation. Bush has been pushing a single digit approval rating, and I am given to understand that most people oppose the war in Iraq, although recent successes shine and make us a little less nervous about the situation in that area of the world. Despite that, Bush has pursued "Cowboy diplomacy" and Mugabe is effectively doing the same. I don't automatically blacklist any politician who utilizes cowboy diplomacy, but while Bush's were erroneous and possibly bad, Mugabe's are idiotic and vile.

Robert Mugabe may have once been a hero in his nation, but right now he is the worst sort of villain, and if I were in Zimbabwe, I would either flee or, despite my nearly pacifistic nature, feel full justification for rebellion. That is NOT how democracy works, Mr. Mugabe- you do NOT keep office after losing the election. The situation is reasonably complicated, but Mugabe is clearly in violation of the ideals of democracy and his government is clearly utilizing oppressive tactics in order to impose the violation. He is guilty of all Bush says.

But good gosh, WHO is that condemnation coming from?

I think Bush is doing the right thing, here. I think the sanctions and the message are excellent (although I hope it doesn't help Mugabe dig his heels in against foreign influence), but I stil lhave to wonder-

Is Bush's help or endorsement on anything like poison in the punch?

Hopefully, more on this later.

Flipper- Mitt Romney?

2008-02-04T16:40:00.000-08:00

Well, as it is now quite obvious from my posts that I am indeed a Mormon, most of my friends, (especially online) assume that I support Mitt Romney, the Mormon candidate. Quite false, in fact- I've been quite enamored with McCain, Huckabee, Obama, and even at times with Hillary and Edwards.

In other words, I'm still not sure where my normally republican vote will land.

However, there is at least one criticism of Mitt Romney I would like to help him combat- because I think that idiots throwing false criticism around is a travesty to the political system, most especially because such things are almost impossible to combat.

The dolphin, "Flipper," sporting his "Flip Romney" shirt has often been present at Romney campaign events, I'm told, and I would just love to level this criticism- Romney's own- against the cheeky dolphin: "You'll find that most people of some intelligence tend to learn over time."

Romney is the face of good manners as he says it, but a less kind response may be warranted:

"What the crap do you expect a reasonable person to do when they find out they're wrong?"

"Do YOU intend to continue catching fish even after you see the nets lower around you, you idiot dolphin? I intend not to be on the next sob-poster promoting dolphin-safe tuna!"

Because despite his record, in which he has changed on a number of issues (not as many as reported by the mass media), Romney seems to me to be a welcome change- a person of some intelligence.

I draw again upon comparison.

I read some years ago an article about one of those special chess matches between someone like Gary Kasparov and a supercomputer. The computer made a mistake- a bad move. The player made the comment afterward that the computer had a huge advantage in that right- it was perfectly willing to admit defeat, cut losses, move back to the original position, and get into a correct position- one that would lead it to victory. (I believe that the computer won this particular match-up.) If there is a reason that I vote for Mitt Romney, it will be for the same reason Flipper comes to his events. To castigate someone for being willing to, over the course of years, change his position on key issues when presented with new information on them is ludicrous. Here we are, all saying that America is on the wrong course, and then beating up on the man who is willing to change his stance on issues.

Isn't a change of course what we want? The Media and the Nation bewail Bush's unwillingness to change his stance on Iraq despite indicators that there wasn't the threat they thought there was- what they were really doing, I expect, is simply doing what America expects of its politicians: staying the line. They took a stance, and because their poll numbers and their credibility could not survive a 'flip' on that stance, they simply stayed with it. I would like to take this moment to remind the American public, which includes myself, that politicians do watch and listen to us, but we send them very, very mixed messages. We demand one course of action but vote for another. We as a public (myself included!) could use a serious course in Public Behavior to help us learn how to influence things that way we really want them.

So, in other words, I commend Mitt Romney for his willingness to vote for what he finds to be the truth, the right, rather than bow to the very syndrome we, as the Public, demand that he bows to: he can't move his chess piece back because he'll lose face. I may not vote for you, Governor Romney, but I commend you for being willing to take the hit when you find yourself in the wrong camp. I suggest the Flipper also practices learning to flip like Romney.

Maybe if we all learn it, our nation won't end up dead on the deck of a ship surrounded by tuna, with the subtitle: Never learned to to change when truth demanded it.

Jumping the Dragon's Gate

2008-01-28T19:20:00.000-08:00

I read something today that deeply touched me, even while I'm still thinking about our beloved prophet's passing: carp that jump the dragon's gate.

It is a n ancient Chinese Myth that a carp (a less-than-desirable fish, as I understand it) who is willing to make the journey and 'jump over the dragon's gate' becomes a dragon. I remember when I was younger and still deeply involved in pokemon, there was one called Magikarp, the worst pokemon, who couldn't attack, only splash, but, if allowed to earn experience, would evolve into Gyarados, on of the most powerful pokemon in the game.

I find that very fitting and almost scary, especially now.

I've been struggling with thoughts about my own worth- I know, in an eternal sense, that I am a priceless son of an everlasting God, but in the short term, things are more difficult. God doesn't just hand us a living, much less our destiny, on a platter, we have to work for it, to give our all to earn it- and I feel like I'm flunking out royally. I can't focus. I am distracted easily, especially by the internet (what do you think I ought to be doing now? ;-) ) I don't seem to be able to consistently deliver in my classes, and I'm altogether a bit down and out. I realize a good psychiatrist might help with some of those, but I'm reluctant to go for money and personal reasons- I know I'd get medicated, and I'd like to avoid that.

I feel as if I need to jump the Dragon's Gate. I feel like a very little, powerless fellow who needs help in order to get where he needs to go, but I also feel that I need to swim by my own power now. I need to push myself beyond my limits and graduate to a new level of power. Jump the Dragon's Gate.

That's the moral of that story, that an individual who goes for broke and does all he or she can will reach great heights. Having always had an affinity for Eastern Dragons- especially Celestial ones, I'm even more susceptible to the myth. My brother brought me a statue of a Celestial Dragon, and I've always envisioned it as me. Methinks it's time to put aside my excuses and pursue that end.

"Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong"

1 Corinthians, Chapter 16, verse 13

In other words, Jump the Dragon's Gate.

The Passing of a Prophet

2008-01-27T20:57:00.000-08:00

I have just been informed that Gordon Bitner Hinckley, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints, of which I am a member, has passed away.

I am deeply saddened but greatly consoled. I admire President Hinckley more than any other living man, except perhaps my own father. Even though a prophet to millions, even to the world, I always felt as if his counsel was directed straight from God to me. I listened and tried to follow each and everything that he said. Rather than trying to find exception to the doctrines he expounded on, I tried to find reason why I should also follow his counsel.

I did not do nearly as well as I might have at all of that, but I am so comforted that I tried. I know that any person who follows the counsel of President Hinckley and now of his (extremely likely) successor, Thomas S. Monson, will find greater joy, peace, freedom (yes, very much freedom), and even power in their lives. I know this because I live that counsel as best I can, and it works. Beyond that anecdotal evidence, I have almost 12 million other such cases, and the witness of God to my very soul. I know that those who follow the counsel of these people, who are prophets, will have life more abundantly- that, is, be happier and more free for longer.

I loved President Hinckley like a father, in a certain way. He was the Prophet of my youth, and he helped me through more than one difficult spot. I remember when he called all the youth of this church together for a huge teleconference. He prayed for us. I can't remember all the words, but I remember the occasion. I remember how I felt- deeply peaceful and pricked to the core. That was one of the times when I went through a lot of changes in my life, and I've felt the dividends of making those changes. They good, Let me tell you!

Having declared in all solemnity that I know the President Hinckley was a Prophet and that his successor will be one, and that their words are true and of God, I move on to a lighter note.

I feel a little odd having the address of my Blog be Magus of Darkness and testifying of God and Light, but I suppose it's from a habit I picked up a while ago- even though I love humorous pretentiousness, I hate sincere forms of it. I love to Roleplay at MUDs and such, but I decided I couldn't roleplay what I'm actually trying to be- a good and honest man. I know I'm really just a silly fellow, but I needed to do something to make it so I wouldn't set myself up as a light, rather than pay respect to the real light- God. I think that's part of why I love President Hinckley so much (love and not loved, yes, that's right- he's not really all that far away)- I don't think there was a pretentious bone in that man's body. He loved and learned and grew and led, but all without making me ever, ever feel , from anything he said, wrote, or did, that he looked down on all us wee little mormons at the bottom of the tree.

In the end, this Church will go on because it is true and God has set it up right, so that no one man will cause its fall, but president Hinckley, gone to join his dear sweet Marjorie, will be sorely missed among us. His humor, his wit, his intelligence, his wonderful tolerance, peace, and joy, ans especially the twinkle in his eye will be missing for a little while. But God will give the next prophet exactly the direction the Church needs for the coming times- there will certainly be trying times to come, but when your forebears already lived through frozen death, starvation, mob killings, tarring and feathering, all in the name of religion, like ours and so many other have, you feel okay to go through whatever life throws at you.

President Hinckley taught me that. Or rather, God taught me that, through his prophet- which means 'mouthpiece'- Gordon Bitner Hinckley.

God bless you, Brother Hinckley, and Rest now for awhile.
I can almost see the smile on your face at seeing Marjorie again. :-)

Spend WHAT Money?

2008-01-14T16:04:00.000-08:00

I am always astonished at economic news these days.

I keep reading about economic fixes that are supposed to make shoppers spend more money, to end the recession, etc. etc. etc. And I must continually ask myself, "Do these people all have their heads up their butts?" If you'll forgive my crassness, I'll explain:

I am not an economist, and only in general terms do I have an understanding of the stock market, but I understand microeconomics very well (in my own mind, anyway). I read all of these incredible economic articles over the holidays about how consumers should SPEND money as much as possible, and that would generate power in the economy to overcome the mortgage crisis.

That is a load of bull.

I was sitting on my bank account, which, after Christmas, counting credit used, was significantly negative, and wondering, "What money do they want us to spend? Do they imagine, somehow in their world of wildly inaccurate mathematical models, that I HAVE money to spend? Do they intend me to use credit?" Like the good American consumer, and newly married man, that I am, I DID dip into my credit. Guess what? I will now pay the bills, my debts will be bid on by far away buyers and sellers, and I will pay them back, with interest (although hopefully less than my credit card companies hope I will be paying- I use an accelerated schedule), and the world will be wonderful again. Right?

Of COURSE NOT!

Merciful heavens, if we all continue to spend money that we don't have, as silly economic news articles urge us to, then we will have ANOTHER subprime mortgage crisis on our hands.

Let me explain:

I have three credit cards. My wife and I make around 35,000 a year combined, because I am going to school- she makes the money, not I- it would be a bit, thought not too much, higher if I also worked full time. I imagine, in my little paradigm, that economists look at the amount of credit available to consumers when they describe their plans to boost the economy through consumer spending. But they don't consider that the same thing is happening with credit that happened with subprime mortgages- an illusory benefit that one day disappears- as the current crisis shows us. Of the three credit cards, one has a 15,000 limit. At that cards interest rate, we would NEVER be able to handle payments on even HALF that limit. What on earth is that? So many standards are flying around (credit card companies likely don't intend us to approach that limit, many economists likely expect us to treat the entire 15,000 as disposable income) causes chaos, and we will pay for it.

In short, in this very disorganized and rushed diatribe: We are mortgaging our future economy by trying to make our current one not enter a recession. Credit is nice, but we are using it WRONG and the average balance someone carries is a very, very bad thing (I believe it's around 9000 dollars) and WILL cause us economic woe.

The entire subprime crisis was caused by someone deciding that subprime mortgages are no less likely to be repaid than ordinary ones. Someone has also decided, I think, that these balances are not intrinsically harmful. They are dead wrong, and the economy will play itself out to show them so.

We, as a nation, have got to learn to live within our means, and then, and only then, will our economy settle down to where it should be, and not to unrealistic, and even outright fake, highs boosted by fake money in the form of wrongly used credit.

That will be all, cadet. MARCH!

Madame, please leave my Archetypes alone.

2007-10-20T13:39:00.001-07:00

Well, folks, it has finally happened.

J.K. Rowling has done something terrible to one of my favorite characters.

Admittedly, Albus Dumbledore is her creation, but as we say in literary theory, she is using language and ideas important to all of us- and for people like me, she has just dealt an unforgivable blow.

Let me explain.

I'm of a certain persuasion, and from what I've seen in my friends who are gay, experienced myself, and understand, homosexuality will lead to unhappiness in those who embrace the lifestyle. I emphasize that because I don't want to be misunderstood- I have no problem with homosexuals- especially not with people who merely exhibit what some see as characteristics of homosexuality (feminine traits in guys, for example). These things, and even homosexual leanings, are not problematic. What is problematic is when people embrace that and go for it- living homosexual lifestyles and engaging in gay and/or lesbian sex. I have a problem with that- as much a problem as I have with anyone who engages in self-destructive behavior.

Now, more explanation is in order on this. Homosexuality is not only self-destructive because it doesn't conceive children- that concern is secondary. It destroys people- mentally first, and then spiritually. Remember, I don't mean leanings in that direction- I don't care what sex people are attracted to- I mean embracing that lifestyle and going forward with it. I've seen it destroy friends anecdotally, and I know that the end result, (here I go revealing part of my religious affiliation) and that in this life or in the next, embracing a homosexual lifestyle will result in utter ruin- unhappiness and suffering of the highest degree. Not because of hell or anything like that- it will be self-inflicted hell or should haves would haves could haves, of not being fulfilled. If any folks embracing homosexual life read this, you should simply understand this as a friendly warning- you're cheating yourselves of something much better than sex that you enjoy, now. I look on that with the sadness of one who watches a man gamble away his life-savings in one night of high-rolling in a Vegas casino. That fellow could have done so much more with that money, and he caused those around him so much suffering in the process.

Of course, this also merits further argument.

Some of you reading this will argue that if it is natural, then why not do it? "Natural" is such a stilted word these days. It has a universally good connotation, but you know, it is the natural thing for male lions to kill a lioness's cubs in order to have sex with her and get their own genes into the pool. Natural? Natural. Perfectly natural, but you won't find me doing it- it might be natural for a lion, but I say, if that's natural, I'd frankly rather be artificial. A lot of things are perfectly natural that you should not do- adolescent human males have the powerful urge to copulate with anything that has a vagina (or doesn't, as the case may be)- that doesn't mean they should. Unprotected sex and single parent homes are offering our society, on a collective (the taxpayers and aid givers) and individual (the broken mothers and fatherless children- in general, that is) level, the greatest challenges it has ever faced. Does anyone care that these statistics and characteristics of our country are probably the second greatest reason why any faithful Muslim could possibly hate us? They hate our morality- and as much as I hate radical Islam, on this account, I have to save that our enemies are seeing us clearer than we see ourselves. We are destroying our culture through our overindulgence and amorality- we simply have no morals as a collective anymore!

Well, I know another argument that often comes quietly forward when I talk with my gay friends, so I may as well address it here. "It's just who I am! I can't change who I am!" As much as I understand needing to be yourself- please understand that I am possibly the most sympathetic person on the planet to that argument! I level a counter argument, though- because I think that even though being yourself is very, very important, taking it too far is fatalistic. Can a murderer or a thief never in all time overcome the part of him that committed murder or robbery? I mean, isn't that evil, to say that you can't change yourself, and then expect every released prisoner to go out and do according to his nature again? That's Les Miserables type thinking, and I refuse to stand by it, even though I believe so strongly in being yourself and letting those who don't want to let you stick it somewhere unpleasant. Everyone can change- there is power enough in each and every person to change- how you change is important (not cooking or planting flowers or acting just because it doesn't match someone else's definition of 'manly' would be a bad change- not trying to have normal 'real,' child-conceiving sex with a woman you love (and are married to, I might add!) just because one part of yourself wants to go and share that part with the same sex would also be a bad change- and deciding not to get out of it would be a decision tailored to make you miserable!).

So basically, homosexual lifestyles are tailored to make people sad (if you're intent on ignoring my friendly warning, I can only wish you as much happiness as is possible for the longest possible time- I honestly wish every last person on this planet as much happiness as is possible!) and I don't support them. Finding out that my favorite character in one of my favorite book series was homosexual was a low blow. But I tell you what, according to literary theory today, with which Ms. Rowling is certainly quite familiar, having studied French, the author today is dead and the text stands alone.

And because of that, I tell you what- MY Dumbledore is not gay. MY Dumbledore did not love Grindelwald romantically- it was a platonic relationship. I know that my interpretation is possible because I had a friendship alike to Grindelwald's and Dumbledore's in every way- my best friend even wanted to take over the world, and for a short time, I helped him! Of course, our efforts were mostly pretend, but you'd be surprised how into that effort we got, and how much research we did- sometimes I almost believed we'd do it! Briefly, anyway. I was Dumbledore and he was Grindelwald, and we are still best friends, both happily married- he has one son, my wife and I are still trying to bring our first bundle of joy to the world.

Because I want every person to experience what I do with my beloved wife, and because I know that trying to get that from a homosexual relationship is only cheating those who struggle with homosexual feelings, I am saddened to my core by the announcement, and hope for a retraction or clarification. Since I deem that a futile hope, I only hope everyone will at least offer me as much respect as I offer them, and let me keep my own Dumbledore, the way I feel that he really is. I will whether or not anyone lets me, though. ;-) With that, this long second entry is over.

Long live Dumbledore- the real Dumbledore.

A Blog!

2007-10-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

I've decided it is time to join my siblings on the net and break open my brain into the net- here you'll read about my thoughts and life, about my participation in the great discourse of humanity.